KENT
Sorry, I'm late-that computer of mine…
Lola?
He goes to the back room and the horror and shock of seeing Lola
swinging, dead, and definitely not divine, brings on what looks to be a
seizure and asthma attack, but is merely the birth of a new psychic
gift to channel the freshly dead.
Kent tries to touch her, but the messiness of it all, is too much.
KENT
What have you done? (asthmatic breathing)
LOLA
(O.S)
It's only death-keep breathing and put
me in that freezer until we figure out
what to do next.
KENT
I came here to give a reading-not to put
your dead body in a freezer like a
rack of ribs. Mother Mary of God!
LOLA
She's not here, so for now you'll have to
trust me. I'm talking to you, and I know this
is a first. Am I right?
KENT
Yes.
LOLA
More good things will come-but we have to
hide the body until the Oracle reveals
what to do next.
KENT
Oracle?
LOLA
It's like that…but different…just put
that damn body away.
Kent gasps, but does it, mostly with his eyes shut, and then goes to
the kitchen sink. He drinks copious amounts of water, which seems to
help calm him down.
He takes a pitcher full of water back to the room and sits down beside
the rope. It's much easier being in the room now that the body has been
dispensed with.
KENT
Why did you do this?
LOLA
Eventually, we all succumb. Look at my
chart-triple Scorpio-what do you
expect?…But hey, guess what? Mary
McIntire is right, it is holier than thou
to be vegan, (puts on a half bad Scottish
accent), but if it's not Scottish SM, it's
crap.
Being mid-way into a gulp, the water sprays out of Kent's mouth in a fit of laughter. He has a bit of a choking, laughing fit.
LOLA
Everyone asks you for help, Kent. They suck on
you like some salty, slithering, sea anemone. Sure
they want readings, and give you $25 bucks for
a session, but then they see you on the street,
and end up getting five more readings for free.
KENT
So do you.
LOLA
Give me a break, Kent, I'm dead…Listen, if
you were one of those non-for-profit
conslutants in the hood, you'd be making
a hundred grand, easy.
KENT
Yeah, well, I haven't sucked off the right
people.
LOLA
True, you might want to consider being
more strategic, like Mary. Now listen,
Mary has asked that she rent this back
room at night because the cold weather is
coming and some of the lawyers and judges
want their willies warm while being bossed
around. She'll pay the rent. You can do
readings, and sell hemp during the day.
Kent likes the idea, but then reality guides his eyes go to the freezer. She jumps ahead.
LOLA
I know, I know, we have a problem with
the body. Here's what you tell folks. Lola
is on an international, around-the-world jaunt
to find the best hemp products available. You
can reach her by email: lolaforenternity@hotmail.com
All my ex's who accused me of being
narcissistic, can have a snicker on my behalf-over
my dead body-just kidding.
KENT
I don't know. This is all so unorthodox. What
does the Oracle say?
LOLA
I can't really decipher it from my
position. But Kent, it is good Karma
making, know why?
KENT
Why?
LOLA
Hemp is here to save the humans.
His blood pressure skyrockets.
KENT
You're in a damn freezer. You killed
yourself, for Christ's sakes! This is
such a lesbian mess. Thank Jesus my
mother's already dead…She doesn't know I
put you in the freezer, does she?
LOLA
No, no-don't worry about that, you
did the right thing.
KENT
My poor mother. You try raising a
gay, psychic son in Beamsville, Ontario.
LOLA
Alright, alright. Don't get all mama-
mama on me. Just listen.
The thing is, all your life you've
had a glimpse to the other side.
You're special, and, now there's a chance
to go to a new level. People are always looking
for some kind of truth, but you know
that truth is a human construct, and
therefore malleable. But, so is spirituality,
which is an aid for the un-likeable, and, yes,
the sometimes unbearable truth. You're on
the right path Kent-see this as a gift to
go further with that glimpse. Very, very
few people get such an opportunity.
Kent is taken in-though he glances again at the freezer, unsure but so weirdly tempted.
NEXT, we're in the back alley and we see some little felines scampering
southward, heading for a meal. Kent follows them to one of the
dilapidated, third-world looking garages owned by a local slumlord. The
felines form a line and begin feeding from dishes put out for them.
Kent looks around and quietly calls out for Mary. He seems scared and
unsure of himself but continues to call, 'Mary, Mary'.
A well dressed, man in his mid-thirties comes around a corner and
starts walking towards Kent, talking on his cell phone. He pulls away
from his call, knowing who Kent is looking for.
MAN
(pointing)
It's, one, two, three garages down-the one with the
Lowlands tartan thing on it. (he returns to his call)
…yes, I know, but childhood issues can get in the way…
Kent sighs heavily and approaches the assigned slutty Scottish garage.
He is about to knock on Mary's door when he hears a trick in play and
becomes completely drawn in. We hear Mary in fine form, intermixed with
some groaning and grunting from bondage.
MARY
And how many times have you been able to say.
'thank-you for validating my gay experience, for
bringing my issues to the table?'
TRICK
Many, many times since I came out.
MARY
And when you were stroking their egos, you were
urging them with your eyes to go to the washroom
where you could really show your appreciation
for the promise land of liberation….well, that's
all good, and so you should be appreciative…to a point.
More groan and restraining.
TRICK
I am.
MARY
Demonstrations, fighting the good fight-special,
celebrated identities, however precious, all can
be revered. Now that it's okay to be a little kinky,
we can all be more self-indulgent-but ultimately, we have
to serve a higher purpose-one not just about our pedestrian
selfish selves.
There's a pause as something more vanilla seems to be going on. Kent has his ear pressed as hard as he can against the door.
MARY
Because animals never get that fuckin priviledge-never
get to say, 'thank-you for validating me and making
my issues important.'
TRICK
I know, it's so unfair.
MARY
If you want that hard on worked on, you're going
have to understand that in order to be better,
you have to act like it's not all about you.
TRICK
I know. I try.
MARY
You're going to have to try harder, do you hear me, because
Where you're at now simply isn't good enough.
TRICK
I know.
MARY
Okay, you keep trying because a lot of work needs doing.
We hear groans. She brings him to climax.
Completely flummoxed for the second time in one day, Kent hurries to
the side of the garage to hide. The trick leaves and Kent is shocked to
recognize him-one of the gay elite-handsome as hell, Black, and
impeccably dressed. Mary starts calling for one of her cats, 'here
puss, puss.' Kent closes his eyes right before she sees him.
MARY
(Full of fire and brimstone)
What the hell is going on? Were you listening?
KENT
Not meaning to-I have a message from Lola-was
that Jack Thomspon, Executive Assistant to the
Minister of Health?
Angrily, Mary grabs Kent by the scruff.
MARY
Don't you know anything about client
confidentiality? If I ever, ever hear you
mention his name, or any of that, I'll take
out a personal ad in Xtra about my darling
gay boy Kent who can't bend over enough
for Mother Mary's pussy, understand?
KENT
(Mortified) Yes, yes, I know it's no one's
business.
MARY
You came here to tell me Lola wants to take
me up on her offer? I thought Ms. Goody
hemp two shoes was above all this?
Now out of Mary's clutches, Kent starts backing away.
KENT
She thinks she's above it all alright, but no,
she says what you're doing is making good
Karma.
MARY
Then she does get it. Well, I'll get back to her.
KENT
Okay, just let me know because she's travelling
for awhile in pursuit of changing the world with
hemp.
MARY
Travelling? I thought she didn't have a pot to
piss in?
KENT
She's going to places like Nepal and Hungary,
cheap, and she's organized potlucks in advance.
Kent hurriedly makes his way back to the store, shaking his head, 'Jack Thompson….wait till Matt hears about this.'
When he approaches the store, he sees
BEATRIX
(South Asian, smart, and sexy) painting on the window: "HEMP IS HERE TO
SAVE THE HUMANS", and she is finishing up: "ASTROLOGY READINGS AND
CLASSES BY
KENT
, INQUIRE WITHIN."
BEATRIX
It's great Lola's letting you do this here.
KENT
Yeah, how, when, did she ask you to do this?
BEATRIX
She emailed me yesterday.
KENT
Oh, yesterday…
BEATRIX
...Yeah, to ask, and confirmed today. She
said you would give me $50 out of the
till.
KENT
She did?
Kent goes into the store to the back room.
KENT
This is all too much. Please tell me that I'm
delusional, that you're not really dead, and Mary
McIntire is a content Catholic housewife who likes
cats but prefers dogs.
Lola's voice is more faint than before.
LOLA
Wait till Beatrix goes, she's coming in.
Kent goes to the till and retrieves a Toonie as Beatrix stands before him with her paint accoutrements.
BEATRIX
Don't insult me.
KENT
It's all there is, I swear. She never told me.
Come back and I'll give it to you as I get it.
BEATRIX
Fine, but this is really sloppy of her.
KENT
I agree.
BEATRIX
I'll come back for reading as partial payment.
She leaves. He locks the door and goes to the back room.
KENT
What the hell is going on Lola? How did you
send an email?
Lola's voice fades in and out.
LOLA
I am trying to make things better for you is all.
KENT
How is it you sent that email?
LOLA
It's a cross over, but the oracle has indicated that
It was a big line. You see Kent, everything that
the world is inventing and discovering is already
Known.
KENT
You have to speak up.
LOLA
I can't, I'm moving on.
KENT
But, I need help. What am I supposed to do with
your body?
LOLA
You can still reach me through automatic writing
and a more seasoned psychic. But Kent, don't
betray Mary's trust.
There's a knock on the door and Kent reacts scared.
KENT
Lola? What does the oracle say?
Lola is gone. He goes to the door to find STONE, much to his chagrin.
STONE
I saw the ad on the window. Beautiful
writing, did you do it yourself? I
used to be good at art, but I think fashion
design would really be my thing. Do you
like my shirt? Orange is so spiritual, like
the sun. I met a new man. I think this could
be the one. I'm told you do short readings
for $20. I charge $80 for a half-hour.
What sign do you think I am? Guess?
A lot of people think I'm a Leo, but Leo's,
come on, they're so arrogant-maybe it's
because so many of them have huge
hands-(outstretches his hands to make
a point) so you know they have a huge-
Interrupted by Kent.
KENT
I get the connection. So, you want a short
reading?
STONE
I couldn't believe this one guy in Key West..
(hands emphasized, outstretched)
Stone has plopped his ample frame down for a reading.
STONE
Is this where and how you would like me
to sit? I prefer my clients to sit uncrossed.
KENT
I prefer mine to sit on their hands.
STONE
(He does) Never heard than one
before.
KENT
Your name is?
Stone is utterly surprised by the question, assuming he is well known. His hands are no longer beneath him.
STONE
Stone Johnston, January 10th (a whisper)
1966-but don't tell anyone, I look so
Young for my age, so I let people believe
I'm 22. Actually, I was hoping you would
do a chart for Enrico-he has the cutest
ass and he's actually nice-jail was hard
on him. I just want to know if we're compatible.
KENT
Look, I don't do charts unless I have the
person's permission-it's unethical.
Kent raises his hand like some ancient oracle summoning his patron god.
KENT
By putting your birth data into the computer we know
simply by your birthday some of the more imminent
energies you're working with. You say you've met
someone-we'll look at that in a second, but the fact
that Saturn transits to your sun are just around the
corner says that you are or could be now in the
process of recreating old, but familiar, comfortable
situations out of a desperation that is spiritually detrimental.
STONE
But will it work with the guy? The sex was better
than anyone in a dog's age. Poor guy though, I farted
just when things were getting hot, but he was okay, I
simply had to give him a present. Do you think $100.
is it too much of a present?
Stone's eyes flutter a little and all of a sudden
LOLA
comes through.
STONE
Hemp is here to save the humans.
